Waiting in line takes forever, but not this time… I got number sixty-six. It feels like eternity before I hear
sixty-six. I walk up, but there is a
lady beside me, the person at the desk tells me I have number ninety-nine.
"No, are you kidding me?!" I shriek. I go sit back down. Who is that space guy who says “to infinity
and beyond” waiting in this line ? After
forever, ninety-nine is called. As I
walked down the hallway, the door opened and there it was…a needle! "I don't
feel sick anymore” I said.
Haha! I love your ending! though I think you could replace some of your words with more powerful and intreging words. In all it's a very enjoyable story!
ReplyDeleteYou have an interesting idea for your creative story that could work with some revision. Be sure to read over your story out loud as your first two lines don't work together as you say it will take forever to wait in line, if feels like an eternity but you don't have to wait long this time. I confused about what you are really wanting to say. I am also confused with the line "Who is that space guy who says “to infinity and beyond” waiting in this line ? " as it does not fit your story.
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